awake

without will

i am changing

------------

can you hear the

tick tick tick

of our bodies

.....they are time bombs

threatening to end it all

no....not a threat

but a promise

--------------

i want it all
or more
or something i can sink my teeth into
something so real and thick
that i forget about death
for just a moment

but i cannot choose

between the life

i've made

and the life i dream of

a declaration that makes me feel:

•sad
•ungrateful
•privileged....to confess

and i am frozen

and i blame my old self

for making choices for the person i am today

for the person who no longer needs what she has

or wants what's in front of her

and as i type this

i feel my heart Chakra swell and ache

it hurts to grow

but i don't want to be small