surrender

have you ever looked

closely at the start of a sunflower

before a nubbin of flower 

even starts to appear

ten inches from the dirt and proud

leaves like arms or wings 

open and outstretched in surrender

all green and arced

bending up and out

toward light

with complete trust 

( I want to be more like you)

but I keep walking

in a deciduous sea of trees and green

a Juniper's bark

the color of rust and red clay 

gifts its primordial perfume

smoke - salt - umami earth

a fragrance like nothing else

I know of

dusty coins of eucalyptus

anxiously flutter on the wind

they beg me closer

to share some gossip

about the nosy roses 

next door

and I keep walking

oops

a slug crosses my path

and I do a little jig

to avoid a squish

thank you for starting my day

with dance, little friend

the morning air is haunted by smells

strange scents that go unnamed 

bypassing my thoughts

speaking directly to my soul

a concrete edge of sidewalk

is the closest thing to a pew

I do not kneel but 

carry on 

under the Sun that is beginning to rise

while everyone else

is still sleeping

my beautiful hairy dog friend

glistens in the day's first light

yanking on my limbs

calling on her ancient

dog ability to tear up and down hills

pulling me through woods 

making me partner of her hunt 

every walk

a tiny revelation

a lesson never learned

behind doors

everything and nothing

we are folds of time
bent like wire

knees up
feet in stirrups

heaving forth the heavens
thrusting out tomorrows

vessels of LOVE
carrying life from past
to present
to future

we are the cuts
the wounds
and the sutures

held together by bone and MOONLIGHT
....by love and
by sinew

............................................

we are not just these bodies
but ALL of this light
creating the space for
soul to take flight

awake

without will

i am changing

------------

can you hear the

tick tick tick

of our bodies

.....they are time bombs

threatening to end it all

no....not a threat

but a promise

--------------

i want it all
or more
or something i can sink my teeth into
something so real and thick
that i forget about death
for just a moment

but i cannot choose

between the life

i've made

and the life i dream of

a declaration that makes me feel:

•sad
•ungrateful
•privileged....to confess

and i am frozen

and i blame my old self

for making choices for the person i am today

for the person who no longer needs what she has

or wants what's in front of her

and as i type this

i feel my heart Chakra swell and ache

it hurts to grow

but i don't want to be small