it's hard not to hate myself
for not loving you
but
slowly
i am me again
because you need me
more
or
because I hate you less
i cannot say
time looks different
now
from hollowed eyes
love sounds different too
from dank cavities
aching, shrinking bones
and a heart too fragile to tear me apart
anymore
hidden for a lifetime
afraid to peek out...to speak out
too scared to be me
while you're here
shrunk and pushed and pounded
into the smallest of caves
so dark that
darkness is now my home
and my cloak
and feels safer to me
than your
love
-------------
I walked past the Black Forest the other day
and wanted to go inside
to dig a hole... to sleep and just be
...feel finally free
but I had to get to you
to give you something
you could never
give
to
me
